Performing Femininity
Jun. 7th, 2011 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apple_pathways(Disclaimer: Dudes, I want your opinions, too. I know there's, like: two of you who read my journal regularly. But don't feel left out if it seems I'm only talking to the ladies!)
The subject has come up elsewhere, and it's been on my mind recently: what is femininity? Is it the traditional, stereotypical traits that have historically been prized in women? (And in whose history?) Has the definition evolved significantly over time, or are we still stuck in an antiquated frame of mind? Which qualities are absolutely necessary in order to be considered feminine, and which are optional?
Are you offended when certain traits, interests, or qualities are described as masculine or feminine? As for myself, whenever I've taken any sort of "Male or Female" brain test, I've always skewed slightly toward the masculine side of the scale. (Including when I took such a test in college as a research participant for credit in my psychology class.) It does bother me when people say I "think like a guy", but I do realize that when it comes to science, they're speaking about statistical norms, which I'm cool with, because I like math. :P (Even though, as a child, I got much more attention for my writing abilities than I did my mathematical skill.)
(If anyone else is interested in taking a test based on "male vs. female" brain science, here's a really good one from the BBC. Save it for when you have some time, though, as there are multiple parts. Though I do believe you can save each section as you finish.)
[Poll #1749763]
Also, I'd like to know: how well do you fit into (what you perceive to be) your culture's definition of 'masculine' or 'feminine'? What do you think of others who are unable to adhere to your culture's rules? How many of the differences between men and women come from biology, and how many are culturally constructed?
I'll provide my own responses once I've had some sleep!
The subject has come up elsewhere, and it's been on my mind recently: what is femininity? Is it the traditional, stereotypical traits that have historically been prized in women? (And in whose history?) Has the definition evolved significantly over time, or are we still stuck in an antiquated frame of mind? Which qualities are absolutely necessary in order to be considered feminine, and which are optional?
Are you offended when certain traits, interests, or qualities are described as masculine or feminine? As for myself, whenever I've taken any sort of "Male or Female" brain test, I've always skewed slightly toward the masculine side of the scale. (Including when I took such a test in college as a research participant for credit in my psychology class.) It does bother me when people say I "think like a guy", but I do realize that when it comes to science, they're speaking about statistical norms, which I'm cool with, because I like math. :P (Even though, as a child, I got much more attention for my writing abilities than I did my mathematical skill.)
(If anyone else is interested in taking a test based on "male vs. female" brain science, here's a really good one from the BBC. Save it for when you have some time, though, as there are multiple parts. Though I do believe you can save each section as you finish.)
[Poll #1749763]
Also, I'd like to know: how well do you fit into (what you perceive to be) your culture's definition of 'masculine' or 'feminine'? What do you think of others who are unable to adhere to your culture's rules? How many of the differences between men and women come from biology, and how many are culturally constructed?
I'll provide my own responses once I've had some sleep!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 04:19 pm (UTC)Took the test and scored pretty much slap bang on the average male score. This did surprise me a little bit as I don't see myself as the manliest man in the world. However, I think that's more of a conscious effort on my part because a lot of people traditionally seen as extremely masculine are (in my experience) Total B******s.
I like to think I'm better than most men at reading emotions though so was pleased to have scored highly on that. I hate the suggestion that I'm In Touch With My Feminine Side or whatever they say these days - I see it more as never having let go of my childhood perspective. I think the differences in mindset between genders during childhood are somewhat less clear cut. Agree? Disagree? Teacher's viewpoint?
It's fine making these distinctions based on all these things, but my preferences in other people are mostly based on behaviour.
(the following not aimed at anyone in particular, but the way you put it got me thinking):
If you're a girl and you Think Like A Guy, that's fine, and probably a bonus and a lot of fun once I get to know you. But please just behave like a girl. Because you are one.
Same applies in reverse for men. Skills such as motor maintenance are irrelevant.[hides]
I hope this has been vaguely comprehensible.
Stewart
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 04:52 pm (UTC)The 'male vs. female' brain test doesn't have much to do with 'manliness' or 'girliness'. It's all about brain science: the measurable differences between male and female brains and how they are at performing certain tasks. Statistically, men will perform slightly better on certain tasks, and women will perform slightly better at others. However, if you look at the data, you'll notice that the average differences are fairly small: so small, in fact, that trying to use them as a standard to determine whether any particular man or woman would be better at a task is a pretty worthless pursuit.
Anyway.
I think the differences in mindset between genders during childhood are somewhat less clear cut.
I...don't know. It's quite hard to tell! Children tend to have much more rigid definitions of what is 'girly' and what is 'boyish' than adults to. (To the point that my younger male students will avoid using the red marker because it's a "girl color".) From a very young age, they pick up ideas of what it means to be a boy and what it means to be a girl, and it starts shaping their behavior. (It is true that very small boys are free to be more emotionally expressive than their older counterparts, if that's what you mean.)
If you're a girl and you Think Like A Guy, that's fine, and probably a bonus and a lot of fun once I get to know you. But please just behave like a girl. Because you are one.
Oh darling, you've opened up a whole can of worms here! I almost feel like throwing myself over you like a human shield to protect you from the fallout... :P
Instead, I'll just ask: what it does mean to behave like a girl? Who gets to decide? And what should happen if I find that definition too restrictive?
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 05:57 pm (UTC)I'll take that human shield now, thanks for the thought!
First off, let's make it clear that whatever I say, it's going to be purely from my position, with my cultural norms and experiences and that I am probably a terrible ambassador for men (I'm much too young for a start).
I suppose what I mean is that I get uncomfortable when people are actively seeking to challenge others' established gender roles for the sake of it. The (related) issue of sexual orientation has a role to play there as well, but it is often overstated and I don't want to go into that because it's not what this discussion is about.
To dramatically simplify things, if a girl has a more "masculine" personality, whatever that means, I take no issue. If they try to force upon me that girls can only be desirable or interesting or intelligent or generally worth knowing if they sacrifice traditional feminine appearance/priorities/behaviour, that's when I get a bit... yeah.
I like nerd ladies. No-one really wants to hang around with a brainless Barbie for very long do they? You can be nerds and into comics or maths or sci-fi as much as you like. In fact that's great. But I will still hold the door open for you or offer to carry heavy things for you. That's all I'm saying.
Re: the question of who gets to decide what constitutes feminine behaviour, etc.
I think it should be a personal thing. I get to decide for myself what I like/dislike/am willing to overlook in the name of friendship or love or whatever, but I will not challenge anyone about their personalities or tell them they'd be "better" if they acted in what I perceive to be a more feminine manner. This is because my belief that one's own established gender identities should not be forced on others (which I mentioned earlier) goes both ways. Likewise you get to decide for yourself.
I really don't want to upset people. I really don't. Please don't hurt me. Hope this has put things across a bit more clearly. [returns to relative safety behind human shield just in case]
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 06:27 pm (UTC)Of course everyone gets to decide for themselves what qualities they will appreciate in others. The important thing, as you stated, is that everyone gets to decide for themselves what 'behaving like a woman' or 'behaving like a man' means. (Of course, I'm not so naive as to believe it really works that way: but it is a good ideal to strive for.)
All I will say on the 'holding the door for women' issue is this: holding the door open for a woman (hell, for anyone) is a nice thing to do. It's something men are taught to do for women as a sign of respect. However: it is only a sign of respect if you actually respect the woman. Holding a door does not magically make you a gentleman any more than letting the woman open the door for herself makes you a cad! (Food for thought! :P)
Anyway, as always I appreciate your input! I don't think you're alone in feeling the way you do. It's a confusing issue, to be certain.