The Stupidest Song Ever Written

[apple_pathways]

The sleep/wake button on my iPod broke on the drive home from work today, which means I have been forced to listen to the radio, and therefore subjected to the WORST SONG I HAVE EVER HEARD in recent memory.

E.T. by Katy Perry.

Pardon my French, but HOLY SHIT is it bad! And the worst part: they play the damn thing every fifteen minutes on damn near every station! This is, I think, the stupidest part (though it's a tough call):

I know a bar out in Mars
Where they driving spaceships instead of cars¹
Cop a Prada spacesuit² about the stars
Getting stupid ass straight out the jar³
Pockets on Shrek⁴, Rockets on deck
Tell me what's next, alien sex⁵
I'ma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you⁶
See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do
I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do<sup>7

1</sup> Duh...
² Yes, that's who I want designing my spacesuit: not NASA scientists with their MIT degrees, their knowledge of conditions in a vacuum, their technical know-how--no, I want PRADA! *massive eyeroll*
³ ?
⁴ ??
⁵ What about alien foreplay?
⁶ Oh, fun...
⁷ Yeah right.

There's also this gem:

You're so supersonic

Yeah, I'm not sure "faster than the speed of sound" is a quality to brag about in a lover...


I could go on, but I'll spare you all the rest of this nonsense. But if you'd care to play along at home, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is this: Name a song even stupider than Kanye and Miss Katy's attempts at Cosmic Love.

Or, you know: just gripe about this song, music in general, or tell me something awesome you're listening to right now that I can add to my iPod after I go to the Apple Store tomorrow and they make it all better!

Comments

[middlegirl.livejournal.com]

The place I'm temping right now has a light-rock station on all day, yet they also inexplicably play Katy Perry's "Firework" (I like being reminded that I'm a tube of explosive elements that can cause major bodily harm if mishandled - thanks, Katy Perry!), Lady Gaga, and the Black Eyed Peas. When the filing is done and the phone's not ringing, there is crap all to do except listen to the radio and subconsciously learn the lyrics.

I don't mind a lot of the music that they play except the country-crossover songs. They annoy me to no end - especially Taylor Swift and Lonestar. "Love Story" makes me want to hit things, and my new backstory to "I'm Already There" is that the dad is on on the run from the mob - either that or he's too busy traveling to come home to his kids so he makes up crap about being in the sunshine and the shadows.

I always turn on my iPod on the way home, and right now I'm listening to a few tracks from this year's Eurovision Song Contest. I don't know if you're into Europop, but some of the stuff is pretty fun...

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

I can totally get down to some light rock. I am not completely immune to the allure of inane pop! But Katy Perry seems to reach new levels of mediocrity with each new single she releases.

I can't stand that kind of contemporary country--I do NOT get the appeal of Taylor Swift (though young girls could choose worse singers to idolize), and...well, I don't know who this Lonestar is. The funny things is: I love country music! Bluegrass, banjos, fiddles, Loretta Lynn, Rosanne Cash, Greg Brown, etc. I just don't enjoy songs about women who are sexually attracted to tractors. :P

I don't think I particularly enjoy Europop, but then: I confess to not really knowing what it is. (It's very difficult to understand music genres these days! I try to describe the kind of music I like, and I can never quite come up with the right label.)

[middlegirl.livejournal.com]

I agree with you on Taylor Swift. Dating much-too-old-for-her Jake Gyllenhaal and (allegedly) John Mayer aside, she's pretty squeaky clean, and so I don't mind when the girls in the junior high small group I lead say they like her. I have issues when they start singing Lady Gaga, though. (I admit I like her music, just not her lyrics.)

If you've ever heard anything by Aqua, Ace of Base, or even the Spice Girls to an extent, then that's Europop. Most of it is more techno and dancey, as opposed to the pop of the States (Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, or even Kesha* and Lady Gaga.)

*I refuse to use the dollar sign.