In trying to decide what to buy my brother for Xmas...

[apple_pathways]

I thought it might be helpful to Google "gift ideas for men". I was wrong.

Here are some of the things various websites suggest I buy for my brother:

A flask shaped like a cell phone. A personalized gallon-sized jug of Tobasco sauce. A toaster that imprints the logo of a sports team onto the toast. "Wacky Bathroom Accessories". THE WORLD'S LARGEST GUMMY WORM. Refrigerator magnets. "The Funny Butt/Face Towel." A $5,000 CAMERA. A set of ninja throwing knives. A 25 gallon aquarium coffee table. POOP SOAP. 28 piece bathroom safety kit. "Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray". World's largest crossword puzzle. Personalized Jager Bomb shotglasses. "The wrist cubby". A pillow remote control. DESK-SIZED GUILLOTINE. A custom bobble-head doll of HIMSELF.


Honestly, I think the most insulting articles are the ones that suggest things like: "the Apple iPad!"

OH YEAH! I TOTALLY did not even think of getting him that!!! And I just happen to have this spare $500.00 I found lying in the street today...

*sigh* Socks are good, right?

Comments

[alt_universe_me.livejournal.com]

Bwahaha, oh, google. It has failed you :(

Um, I'm really poor and only buy for my son, so I'm really no help. Unless you think your brother would enjoy a watercolors set and a Dr. Seuss matching game! *g*

No? Thought not :P

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Those sound like awesome presents! My brother might not appreciate them, but I think I could have endless fun with them. Good choices!

[hrymfaxe.livejournal.com]

This proves that even google doesn't know what to buy for men/boys....

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

I know, right??? Also, the mainstream view of men and manliness I get via these sites is rather depressing. Common themes:

*Men like booze.
*Men like violence.
*All men have the mental age and maturity of gradeschoolers.

[jesterjoker.livejournal.com]

Reality is weirder than fiction. GUILLOTINE?

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

With "real moving parts"! (Though they do declare the blade to be "harmless"....)

[ladylovelace.livejournal.com]

I got my dad a vinyl Rebel Alliance symbol to stick on the back of his laptop, and a usb stick. Total $17 (US$, actually, because I was too lazy to brave the shops). This only works if the man you're buying for is a dork, mind, but if you haven't browsed the geekery section of Etsy it might be worth a shot.

I love the idea of a desk-sized guillotine, though. Strike terror into the hearts of your colleagues! (My sense of humour, it is broken).

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Ah, see: you assume that because he is related to me, he must ALSO be a geek. But NO! The geek gene is selective in my family: my dad and I are, my mom and brother are not.

My brother is a US Marine and all-around manly man. He likes all kinds of movies, TV, and humorous "guy" things, but being a young adult with disposable income and few actual responsibilities, he tends to buy all that stuff for himself.

Le sigh! I'll keep working at it.

(And your sense of humor: it is working fine! I'm thinking the customized bobble head doll might be a useful accompaniment to the guillotine...)

[faery-fall.livejournal.com]

Desk-sized guillotine LOLs.

And actually, a personalized gallon-sized jug of tobasco sauce would probably be the best present I could get *my* brother...

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

No doubt: Tobasco sauce is a useful and delcious present! But: personalized? Gallon-sized??? How would you use the gallon-sized bottle? (It's glass, and looks quite heavy!) And how would you make room for it in the fridge??? The mind...it boggles!

[whitters23.livejournal.com]

Oh man! Those sites seriously... Epic fail.
I hear you on the brother shopping! You know who's even harder to buy for? The brother-in-law! Of which I have two... however one is super easy to buy for because he likes everything! I'm wondering if him being gay plays a factor in that or not....
(For him I made a tea gift basket, filled with teas and mugs and coasters. I also threw in some Bailey's chocolates, a cookie cook book and and painting I did myself). I really don't think any of the other guys in my family would have appreciated that. Lol!

Anyways between my various families I know there are quite a few box sets of Band of Brothers and The Pacific going around. I know my brother is expanding on his movie collection, so I'm getting him some Russell Peters and Dane Cook DVD's. Also Dexter is a big favourite this year.
Does he have a favourite sports team? You could always buy him anything revolving around that... A t-shirt, a mug, a poster. I find fans of bands like the Beatles, AC/DC or the Stones also like any kind of memorablia revolving around them. A DVD, a book, a poster, beer glasses. Lol.

Guys in my family really like those Uncle John's Bathroom Readers. If he likes humourous/snarky things you could get him Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander.

My sister and her boyfriend just bought a house together and I know that he likes modern chic things, so I found 3 cityscapes online and photo collaged maps of each city over the picture. Printed and framed these were my most inexpensive gift (Like $5.00 for all three!) and they totally rock! In my experience the best gifts have always been the more inexpensive.

If all else fails theres slippers, pjs, a jacket, mens gloves, a shaving kit, pocket hand warmers, cologne... booze.

I hope that helps a little.

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Ok, wow: you could totally give Google a run for their money!

I love the framed picture idea, though! Where did you get them printed?

[whitters23.livejournal.com]

I just printed them off of a CD at one of those Kodak kiosks at Shoppers Drug Mart (or Walmart) and they only cost like 19cents per print... and then I found some decent frames at a dollar store. They are nothing fancy but they still look really sharp.

Glad I could help! :)

[ravelled-ribbon.livejournal.com]

What the hell is a bathroom safety kit? Or a wrist cubby?

I find the giant gummy appealing personally though.

Does he like books or comics? Because I got my Dad the graphic novel of Kidnapped, and my Grandad Wind in the Willows translated into Scots dialect. I usually get my Uncle Dr Who toys or Jack Daniels (he is a simple man with simple pleasures).

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

The "bathroom safety kit" looks like something a parent would buy to child-proof their bathroom. What I found especially hilarious about that, is the site that suggested it to me first asked all kinds of demographic questions about the person I was shopping for: I specified that I was shopping for a young man who likes movies, humor, the outdoors, etc---THEN they suggested the bathroom safety kit. *facepalm*

The "wrist cubby" looks like a fanny pack/bum bag for your wrist. (I don't think I found out what country you're based in, so I don't know term you might be more familiar with!)

You sound like a thoughtful and efficient shopper! It's a tentative yes on him liking books, but a no on the comics. Jack Daniels is always a good idea! I'm gonna keep digging. I will find something--I WILL!

Oh, and the giant gummy worm: I LOVE me some gummies! But this thing just looks...wrong.

Witness:

[whitters23.livejournal.com]

THAT IS THE FUNNIEST LOOKING THINK EVER! Lololol. I love me some gummy worms too.... but that really does look wrong!

[evilhippo.livejournal.com]

My brain is torn between interpreting that as a bizarre sex toy and some kind of wrong-headed chiropractic model. It is definitely not food.

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

My brain automatically went to "spawn of giant sandworm from Dune". Not food, indeed!

[evilhippo.livejournal.com]

The Kwisatz Gummysnack!

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

KWISATZ HADERACH!!! Thank you! That is the term I've been trying to remember ever since I first viewed that gummy abomination.

[rewindclunkplay.livejournal.com]

I WOULD ADORE THE WORLD'S LARGEST GUMMY WORD OR A DESK SIZED GUILLOTINE. WHO ARE THE PEOPLE MAKING THESE SUGGESTIONS AND HOW CAN I MEET THEM?

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

I do believe they're locked in a special bunker up at Santa's workshop: fiendishly slaving away at next year's unique Christmas gift selections, being force-fed cookies and PCP and receiving occasional cattle-prods to inspire "creativity".

(Did you miss me??? I MISSED YOU!!!)

[rewindclunkplay.livejournal.com]

I HAVE MISSED YOU.
I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL.

SLOW MOTION HUG TIME.

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

BRING IT