The Stupidest Song Ever Written

[apple_pathways]

The sleep/wake button on my iPod broke on the drive home from work today, which means I have been forced to listen to the radio, and therefore subjected to the WORST SONG I HAVE EVER HEARD in recent memory.

E.T. by Katy Perry.

Pardon my French, but HOLY SHIT is it bad! And the worst part: they play the damn thing every fifteen minutes on damn near every station! This is, I think, the stupidest part (though it's a tough call):

I know a bar out in Mars
Where they driving spaceships instead of cars¹
Cop a Prada spacesuit² about the stars
Getting stupid ass straight out the jar³
Pockets on Shrek⁴, Rockets on deck
Tell me what's next, alien sex⁵
I'ma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you⁶
See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do
I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do<sup>7

1</sup> Duh...
² Yes, that's who I want designing my spacesuit: not NASA scientists with their MIT degrees, their knowledge of conditions in a vacuum, their technical know-how--no, I want PRADA! *massive eyeroll*
³ ?
⁴ ??
⁵ What about alien foreplay?
⁶ Oh, fun...
⁷ Yeah right.

There's also this gem:

You're so supersonic

Yeah, I'm not sure "faster than the speed of sound" is a quality to brag about in a lover...


I could go on, but I'll spare you all the rest of this nonsense. But if you'd care to play along at home, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is this: Name a song even stupider than Kanye and Miss Katy's attempts at Cosmic Love.

Or, you know: just gripe about this song, music in general, or tell me something awesome you're listening to right now that I can add to my iPod after I go to the Apple Store tomorrow and they make it all better!

Comments

[alias-amy.livejournal.com]

Oh honey, I spend almost every morning driving my kids to school with the soundtrack from Disney's Tangled playing. I will take Katy Perry anyday.

Here's the lyric I hear every day from that soundtrack that drives me nuts: this is Mandy Moore singing:

"I want something that I want
Something that I tell myself I need
Something that I want
And I need everything I see.

Yeah, that's the message of consumerism that I want to be passing along to my kids :(

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

True Story:

When I worked for a daycare and ran their summer program, I used to drive the kids to three fieldtrips per week in the daycare bus. That's an entire summer of Radio Disney! (When I let them listen to Radio Disney, that is. Most often I figured, for the safety of all on board, it was best I have something I enjoyed on the radio and not Miley Cyrus, who is, on her own, a prescription for road rage, not to mention a bus full of screaming children.)

Those lyrics are most definitely inane. And here I thought Tangled was supposed to be all progressive and different?

[alias-amy.livejournal.com]

Argh! Radio Disney! I feel for you.

That particular song is the one that plays over the credits, and doubtless its the one playing on Radio Disney at this moment. The movie is pretty progressive (at least its unobjectionable) and the songs that are specific to the plot are fine. I sort of feel like whoever wrote the credits song was instructed to "write a general girl anthem". I swear the lyrics sound like they were penciled in and they were planning on coming back later and making them sound more intelligent!

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

There was really only one little girl in the group who even listened to the radio on the bus, and she would ask me everyday: "Can we listen to Radio Disney?!" NO! I felt a bit like a tyrant, but seriously: it's stressful enough driving 14 kids on a busy freeway without the Jonas Brothers getting on my nerves!

I want what I need,
it's a need full of want,
needfully wanting my wont,
want want want want want
NEEEEDD!!!

You think it's a hit?