I CLICKED AND NOW I CAN'T LOOK AWAY
Feb. 10th, 2011 02:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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infinitejoys alerted her flist to this sterling example of social commentary: Boycott American Women.
It is hilariously ignorant. It only starts to get creepy when he starts advocating dating/marrying "foreign" women; particulary those of Asian or Russian origins, like the sort one might find through a "marriage service". What is it he likes about them? Could it be their lack of English skills, economic disadvantage, and dependence on him for legal immigration status? Of course not! They're more "down-to-earth" and "appreciative". (I'd love to hear from any "foreign" women who have ideas about whether or not they fit his definition of "marriage material"!)
The best part is, amidst all the vitriolic scree, he has this to say about himself: "I'm single, desirable, and looking out of the country now." Look out, ladies of the world: he won't remain single for long!
infinitejoys also linked me to this post on Nice Guys. I was thrilled to discover there are other women out there who make the distinction between nice guys and Nice Guys!
I first made the distinction between nice guys and Nice Guys when I was about 19 and working for the university's summer camp program. There were about 50 of us hired as counselors, all spending the summer together in a dorm, with a rotating cast of campers shuffling in and out at the beginning and end of each week. We spent the weekends as a large group of young adults closed up in an empty dorm together would: drinking, partying, hooking up, and creating endless Drama.
That place was CRAMMED with Nice Guys.
The first one I met was Jon. At first, I kinda liked him, and we spent some time flirting back and forth. It was after the regular students had left the dorms for the summer, but before we'd started actual training for our summer job. My friend (who also worked as a counselor) had a boyfriend with a house outside campus, and was throwing a BBQ. We invited all our new co-workers, and he was one of only a handful who showed up. We talked, and flirted, and tossed a football back and forth. I thought he was a nice guy.
Flash forward a few weeks: Camps have started, and he and I are working the game room activity for the evening. It's almost time for the campers to return to their rooms, and our station is pretty deserted, so while the other counselors finished a game of Monopoly, he and I sat off to the side and chatted.
The topic of conversation almost immediately turned to "Poor Jon", who is such a nice guy, but just can't get any play! He was 22, and therefore old enough to go out to the bars on the weekend. He told me, as an example of what a "nice guy" he was, about a woman he'd met over the weekend who was just "all over him" at the bar. But because she was so drunk, he didn't take her home and sleep with her. That's right: not taking advantage of a woman who's drunk of your ass makes you a Nice Guy.
Later in the summer, a bunch of us got tickets to see Weezer at Pine Knobb. It's an outdoor music venue, and we had seats on the lawn. Since most of us were under-age, one of the older guys bought a bottle of vodka for us to drink in the parking lot before entering the venue. I sat down on the side rail of someone's minivan, and Jon came and sat next to me. He'd been steadily drinking in the van on the way up there. (I drove with someone else.) After sitting down, he put his arm around me and his hand rested right on my breast. A testament to how young I was and that I'd been drinking, I did NOT bite his hand off and spit it back in his face. I simply picked up his hand and moved it to my shoulder.
He was immediately FURIOUS! "What, it's not like I was trying to grope you or anything!"
Yeah. Too bad that's pretty much exactly what you did!
When we got inside, he proceeded to hit on every female within a 100 ft. radius of us. I wasn't aware of what was going on until he made this pair of girls so uncomfortable that two guys who weren't even with them started threatening to beat him up.
Then he called our friend Zach a "faggot" for not going with him to torment another pair of girls. (Another part I missed...recounted to me by another friend after the fact.)
He ended up passing out on the lawn and missing most of the concert after that. Working with him afterwards was...awkward, to say the least.
Another Nice Guy was Jermaine. Early in the summer, he decided he was in love with our co-worker, Sarah. Problem was: Sarah had a boyfriend. So did he tell her how he felt in the hopes she might choose him over her boyfriend? No. Did he graciously back off and leave alone, swallowing his diappointment and moving on? Guess again!
No, instead, he became "friends" with her, spending hours a day with her, talking and hanging out. Listening to her talk about her boyfriend, who he had decided was an asshole. The longer they were "friends" without her dumping her boyfriend and jumping his bones, the more bitter and angry he became. How dare she date this other guy he didn't like? (He and his friend John insisted he was An Asshole, though I can't remember how they came to that conclusion. Whatever "evidence" they had was pretty underwhelming.)
Eventually, over the course of the summer, he started ostracizing her, badmouthing her and her boyfriend to anyone who would listen; acting like he was entitled to a relationship with her after all the "time" he'd put in! He left cryptic, passive-aggressive away messages on his IM that were clearly about her. Of course, she deserved it: How dare she take his friendship at face value, and assume he actually wanted to be her friend?!
Owais was a constant victim of the "friend zone". (I hate when people use that phrase! Pro tip: don't become friends with a girl with the intention of fucking her.)
He told me about one "friend" of his who had wronged him. He gave her backrubs, listened to her complain about her relationship problems, and cuddled with her in her bed, all under the pretense of being her friend. How dare she not fuck him?
Whether or not she was naive is beside the point. Dudes: being nice to someone does not entitle you to sleep with them. Being "friends" is not a ticket into a girl's pants. And if you make friends with a girl, rub her back, and cuddle with her in her bed all while proclaiming to be her friend: it is your own damn fault if you get "blue balls". Her only crime was in thinking you were a better man than you actually were.
I might have more to say about this, but I gotta run off to work.
infinitejoys alerted her flist to this sterling example of social commentary: Boycott American Women.It is hilariously ignorant. It only starts to get creepy when he starts advocating dating/marrying "foreign" women; particulary those of Asian or Russian origins, like the sort one might find through a "marriage service". What is it he likes about them? Could it be their lack of English skills, economic disadvantage, and dependence on him for legal immigration status? Of course not! They're more "down-to-earth" and "appreciative". (I'd love to hear from any "foreign" women who have ideas about whether or not they fit his definition of "marriage material"!)
The best part is, amidst all the vitriolic scree, he has this to say about himself: "I'm single, desirable, and looking out of the country now." Look out, ladies of the world: he won't remain single for long!
infinitejoys also linked me to this post on Nice Guys. I was thrilled to discover there are other women out there who make the distinction between nice guys and Nice Guys!I first made the distinction between nice guys and Nice Guys when I was about 19 and working for the university's summer camp program. There were about 50 of us hired as counselors, all spending the summer together in a dorm, with a rotating cast of campers shuffling in and out at the beginning and end of each week. We spent the weekends as a large group of young adults closed up in an empty dorm together would: drinking, partying, hooking up, and creating endless Drama.
That place was CRAMMED with Nice Guys.
The first one I met was Jon. At first, I kinda liked him, and we spent some time flirting back and forth. It was after the regular students had left the dorms for the summer, but before we'd started actual training for our summer job. My friend (who also worked as a counselor) had a boyfriend with a house outside campus, and was throwing a BBQ. We invited all our new co-workers, and he was one of only a handful who showed up. We talked, and flirted, and tossed a football back and forth. I thought he was a nice guy.
Flash forward a few weeks: Camps have started, and he and I are working the game room activity for the evening. It's almost time for the campers to return to their rooms, and our station is pretty deserted, so while the other counselors finished a game of Monopoly, he and I sat off to the side and chatted.
The topic of conversation almost immediately turned to "Poor Jon", who is such a nice guy, but just can't get any play! He was 22, and therefore old enough to go out to the bars on the weekend. He told me, as an example of what a "nice guy" he was, about a woman he'd met over the weekend who was just "all over him" at the bar. But because she was so drunk, he didn't take her home and sleep with her. That's right: not taking advantage of a woman who's drunk of your ass makes you a Nice Guy.
Later in the summer, a bunch of us got tickets to see Weezer at Pine Knobb. It's an outdoor music venue, and we had seats on the lawn. Since most of us were under-age, one of the older guys bought a bottle of vodka for us to drink in the parking lot before entering the venue. I sat down on the side rail of someone's minivan, and Jon came and sat next to me. He'd been steadily drinking in the van on the way up there. (I drove with someone else.) After sitting down, he put his arm around me and his hand rested right on my breast. A testament to how young I was and that I'd been drinking, I did NOT bite his hand off and spit it back in his face. I simply picked up his hand and moved it to my shoulder.
He was immediately FURIOUS! "What, it's not like I was trying to grope you or anything!"
Yeah. Too bad that's pretty much exactly what you did!
When we got inside, he proceeded to hit on every female within a 100 ft. radius of us. I wasn't aware of what was going on until he made this pair of girls so uncomfortable that two guys who weren't even with them started threatening to beat him up.
Then he called our friend Zach a "faggot" for not going with him to torment another pair of girls. (Another part I missed...recounted to me by another friend after the fact.)
He ended up passing out on the lawn and missing most of the concert after that. Working with him afterwards was...awkward, to say the least.
Another Nice Guy was Jermaine. Early in the summer, he decided he was in love with our co-worker, Sarah. Problem was: Sarah had a boyfriend. So did he tell her how he felt in the hopes she might choose him over her boyfriend? No. Did he graciously back off and leave alone, swallowing his diappointment and moving on? Guess again!
No, instead, he became "friends" with her, spending hours a day with her, talking and hanging out. Listening to her talk about her boyfriend, who he had decided was an asshole. The longer they were "friends" without her dumping her boyfriend and jumping his bones, the more bitter and angry he became. How dare she date this other guy he didn't like? (He and his friend John insisted he was An Asshole, though I can't remember how they came to that conclusion. Whatever "evidence" they had was pretty underwhelming.)
Eventually, over the course of the summer, he started ostracizing her, badmouthing her and her boyfriend to anyone who would listen; acting like he was entitled to a relationship with her after all the "time" he'd put in! He left cryptic, passive-aggressive away messages on his IM that were clearly about her. Of course, she deserved it: How dare she take his friendship at face value, and assume he actually wanted to be her friend?!
Owais was a constant victim of the "friend zone". (I hate when people use that phrase! Pro tip: don't become friends with a girl with the intention of fucking her.)
He told me about one "friend" of his who had wronged him. He gave her backrubs, listened to her complain about her relationship problems, and cuddled with her in her bed, all under the pretense of being her friend. How dare she not fuck him?
Whether or not she was naive is beside the point. Dudes: being nice to someone does not entitle you to sleep with them. Being "friends" is not a ticket into a girl's pants. And if you make friends with a girl, rub her back, and cuddle with her in her bed all while proclaiming to be her friend: it is your own damn fault if you get "blue balls". Her only crime was in thinking you were a better man than you actually were.
I might have more to say about this, but I gotta run off to work.
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no subject
Date: 2011-02-10 08:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-11 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-10 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-10 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-11 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-10 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-11 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-11 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-11 02:57 am (UTC)And on a more serious note, I highly suspect some sort of mental illness. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, at the least!
no subject
Date: 2011-02-11 05:53 pm (UTC)It warms my heart, though, to know that most of them will probably never have the opportunity to procreate.
no subject
Date: 2011-02-11 05:59 pm (UTC)It warms my heart, though, to know that most of them will probably never have the opportunity to procreate.
Not unless he
buys a wifehas any luck with his "marriage service"! *shudders*no subject
Date: 2011-02-14 03:10 pm (UTC)She's been with her boyfriend for over five years, and I admit when I met him I thought him the perfect gentlemen, but I'm now beginning to realise that's what he wants you to think. When she complained about him in the past I admit I may not have taken her seriously because I assumed he was the sweetest guy ever, but now I observe their exchanges more and he's subtly cruel in so many ways. He's demeaning and patronising and rude and just belittles her in subtle ways so often - like, if she curses for example (which she rarely does anyway), he says something like 'you'd better watch your language young lady' - and its steeped with tasteless disdain and is so, so patronising. Yet, because he's so outwardly lovely and gentlemanly - as well as a 'good Christian boy' - he gets away with so much! Obviously it's her decision but I'm just trying to let her know that she doesn't deserve that and she doesn't need him :(
no subject
Date: 2011-02-14 03:29 pm (UTC)Guys who take such pains to present an outward display of "niceness" can be so insidious! "But he opens doors for me, and leaves me love notes, and tells me he loves me everyday!" But sometimes all of that stuff is more of a performance than an actual display of love and respect. (The respect part is key. I'd have to slap a guy who admonished me for cursing--I'm sorry, but I'm an adult who can monitor her own use of language, TYVM!)
Five years is a long time to be dating someone! I'm sure she's just gotten used to most of the things you've been noticing. Ugh, good luck to you, your friend, and this 'good Christian boy!'