I am thankful for fandom's insanity.

[apple_pathways]

It's something I've been thinking about lately: that even though I get tired of the wank, and the arguing, and the accusations of bigotry/scrambling for the 'more progressive than thou' brownie points--I'm actually grateful these discussions go on in fandom.

I started thinking about this when someone at fail_fandomanon made the edifying comment: "It's men who start wars: women are more sensible than that." And rather than +1 and LOL and giggle and sigh and say "Oh, those men!": women actually disagreed! The giant pile of anonymous gender police who jumped on the thread to respond was probably (definitely) overkill for such a naive and ridiculous comment, but by the time the fourth person mentioned "gender essentialism" I was suitably impressed. Because outside of my own academic experiences and this journal, I'm never privy to a conversation where someone can mention the term "gender essentialism" and assume that people following along will know what they're talking about.

In my own life, I have very intelligent and liberal friends, but still I find myself sucked into conversations based on the premise "But I like it when my husband opens the car door for me." (And for the record: you are allowed to like it, and he is allowed to do it. Feminism is not about who opens doors and who crosses their legs and who does the weekly shopping. It's not about the door: it's about gender roles, and learned helplessness, and this fallacy that women can't take care of themselves when men are around. What matters is not whether he wants to open the door for you or not, but whether he buys into those stereotypes or not, and to what degree. The point is, basically: that door-opening is not a reliable marker of quality in males. In short: forget about the door! It's not about the goddamned door!)

Fandom can be an impossible and frustrating echo chamber of wank and disagreement, but at least these discussions are going on! Sure, unreasonable shouty people get an unfair advantage in the debate, but amidst the endless sturm und drang at least these ideas are out there.

I'm glad that slash writers are called out for ignoring women and fetishizing gay men, and that het writers are called out for ignoring LGBTQ people and perpetuating misogynist stereotypes. I'm glad that while people are complaining about the awkwardness of gender neutral pronouns, gender neutral pronouns and when to use them is being discussed. And asexuals. And POC. And global tragedies. And appropriating cultures. And fetishes. And any measure of stereotypes and hot button issues I'd have to go out of my way to seek out in my offline life.

Do I agree with all of the arguing that goes on? Do I think that it doesn't occasionally do more harm than good? No. But I truly, honestly appreciate that it's out there. I just wish I knew a better way to drag it out into my offline life.

Comments

[ladylovelace.livejournal.com]

Re: doors - I am a perpetual holder-open of doors. Because I don't like having people behind me, though, not because of anything gender-related.

As to the rest of the post: I agree completely. I like that people are able to have intelligent (or at least intelligent-sounding) conversations about these things and I like that LJ culture is as socially aware as it is. It's taught me a lot of things, though I am also grateful that my introduction to critical thinking came before my introduction to these kind of conversations, because there are some really horrible people with some really good rhetoric wandering around here.

LJ culture has its problems, but it's largely good that we do have the wank and the blow ups and that somebody cares. Especially when in the real world all I see is people lying down and taking it when they should be standing up and saying. It turns into a weird mob culture that occasionally comes down on the wrong side of things on the whole, but can usually see when someone is being an arsehole and will call them out in spectacular fashion.

There are still some behaviours that are accepted in LJ culture that I think we could do without (and not the ones anyone would think - they're in areas I steer well clear of because I seriously want to smack people over it and I do not have time to stress over things other people think if they're not likely to directly affect me), but on the whole, if LJ was a country, I would choose to move there. It represents, to me, true democracy.

(That was a long way of just saying WORD, huh?)

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Door-opening is something I rarely think about: if I get to a door first, I hold it open; if someone holds it open for me, I walk through and say 'thank you'. It's generally not the thorny mine-field of gender politics it's made out to be. :P

There's definitely a lot about LJ and fandom culture that drives me crazy, and there certainly pockets of fandom (especially outside of LJ) and that are cess pools of creepery, but overall: yeah, I'd move here! (So long as I'd get to rule over my own personal fiefdom as I do now. ;)

[rachel2205.livejournal.com]

(And for the record: you are allowed to like it, and he is allowed to do it. Feminism is not about who opens doors and who crosses their legs and who does the weekly shopping. It's not about the door: it's about gender roles, and learned helplessness, and this fallacy that women can't take care of themselves when men are around. What matters is not whether he wants to open the door for you or not, but whether he buys into those stereotypes or not, and to what degree. The point is, basically: that door-opening is not a reliable marker of quality in males. In short: forget about the door! It's not about the goddamned door!)

You need to find a bigger forum for that, cos it's so well put <3

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks! Hey--maybe I could have it embroidered on a pillow! :D

[stick-poker.livejournal.com]

WORD. (Having read the first comment which includes most of the ways I'd want to respond to this post. Except I think I might be bad at remembering to be poilte about doors.)

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Meh--hold doors open, don't hold doors open. Just consider it a social statement against gender stereotypes you're making!