Online Dating PSA

A few years ago I signed up for a free online dating/social networking site. I signed up initially because they have a lot of fun personality quizzes, and I thought I would like to write some of my own (you need an account to do that). After a couple years, and after becoming extremely frustrated with trying to date people live and in person, I thought I would fill out a profile and see how things went. I did on go on a couple (disastrous) dates, but mostly, I just ignore the fact that this profile exists. Occasionally, I log on to see if anyone has messaged me, or if they've come up with any interesting matches.

Mostly I log on for the entertainment value.

Here are some tips to guys for choosing a photo to put on their profile:

• SMILE. It is not other guys you are trying to impress here. You don't look like a BAMF; you look like a constipated psychopath.
  
• Do not take a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror with your shirt off. There is no way to make that look casual.
  
• No creepy mood lighting. You're looking for a DATE, not a role in a slasher film.
  
• Don't use a picture of you drinking. You may not be a raging alcoholic, but that's the conclusion drawn when you choose to represent yourself to the word with a photo of you downing a shot behind a table littered with a dozen empty glasses.
  
• Use a photo with just you in it. I don't want to guess which one you are in a group shot.
  
• Especially don't use a photo of you snuggling with a female friend. It makes me think "boundary issues" and envision lots of irritating discussions about what constitutes a "friendly" backrub.
  
• It would be nice if the photo were adequately lit and in focus. And of something other than a close-up on your bicep.
  

And this concludes today's installment of "Amy is a judgmental bitch who is single for a reason."