A Victim of My Own Incompetence

My brain does many things well: sarcastic comments, fractions, and crossword puzzles being some of them. There are also things my brain just can't handle. For instance: chess. I cannot, for the life of me, play chess. Oh, I know the rules and how each piece moves, I'm not a drooling idiot: but when it comes to playing an actual game, I cannot capture even one of my opponent's pieces. Even when the computer is set to "Easy" or "Beginner."

You might say: "Oh, but Amy, you just need practice!" I don't think so. You see, not only am I terrible at chess: I can't handle CHECKERS. I might manage to scoop up a couple pieces my opponent sacrifices, but in the end I'm always crushed. And I've spent my life working with children and playing games with them. I have been well and truly beaten by a five year old. Somehow, no matter how hard I try to concentrate on the whole game and think one or two moves ahead, I end up setting myself up for one of those embarrassing plays where my opponent jumps six or seven of my checkers at once.

And yet I'm unbeatable at Connect Four.

Another thing my brain doesn't do so well? Directions.

It's not that I can't read a map. I am awesome at reading maps. It's not that I can't follow directions. I can follow directions! It's just when it comes to making a mental picture in my head of how roads link up and which go where and whatnot, I am HORRIBLE.

I've always maintained I'm much more a verbal than visual person. Yet, I can look at a map detailing a route for 20 seconds and remember it for the rest of the day. It's something to do with my spatial reasoning, I'm sure of it! Even if you asked me to give you directions from my house to my work (which I could drive in my sleep) I'd get half of it wrong. I'd remember the main highways and most of the exits, but the little turns and sidestreets I can't picture until I see them.

People ask questions like: "Is it the third exit?" or "Is it next to the Taco Bell?" and I have no idea, because I don't notice things unless I'm looking for them. I can visit a store a dozen times without ever noticing what it's next to. I might know there's a bank on the corner, but I probably couldn't tell you which one. How many houses from the corner is the student co-op I used to live in? *shrugs*

All of that explanation is leading up to this: there was an accident on my usual route to school this morning. I decided, instead of slogging through it, to go another way. Bad idea. Of course, I didn't know it was a bad idea. In my head I knew this one highway linked up with another.

What I did NOT know was that they linked up much further west than I needed to go. Since I thought I knew where I was going, and I'm used to not recognizing my surroundings, it took me FOREVER to realize I had gone out of my way. I called my mother so she could look up on a map where I was, and I was 25 minutes late to class.

No, I'm sorry: 25 minutes late TO MY EXAM.

It's not that big of a deal. I'm taking a makeup on Wednesday.

When I came home for lunch before work, my mother asked, "Weren't you anxious?"

I said, "No, I knew she would give me a makeup."

And she clarified, "No, about being lost: I get so anxious when I don't know where I am. Weren't you nervous?"

I thought about it. "Mmm...not really. I get lost all the time. I'm kinda used to it."

That's me in a nutshell, folks!