Poem: Breaking The Surface

[apple_pathways]

My quest to write more poetry continues. I've taken a book out of the library called Writing Metrical Poetry: Contemporary Lessons for Mastering Traditional Forms. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in learning the basics of metered poetry, or polishing up their skills, like me. I learned most of this stuff in my Intro to Poetry class, but it's nice to have a refresher; and, the book has exercises and assignments, which is terrific to get me writing again.

This next poem is not an assignment from the book, but is an attempt by me to rediscover blank verse. I'll warn you: it's pretty rough. What always stops me writing poetry is my need to constantly write, rewrite, and revise things. Since I need practice, I'm going to try to focus on output for now, and worry about polishing later.

If anyone with an interest in poetry would like to critique this, please do! So long as it's constructive criticism, it will help me out immensely; and I have a very thick skin, so if something's not working, please tell me.




Breaking the Surface

Into the frigid waters, take the plunge
then bob along the surface gasping air
and when you've got a lungful, hold it in
what you can carry down is all you'll get

The air, you'll find, will soon be running out
the burning not extinguished by the wet
a memory that you are still alive:
start kicking for the surface once again.

Comments

[jacknjill270.livejournal.com]

Oh, I liked this! Especially the burning not extinguished by the wet, the contrast is very nice. Lol, I don't have any concrit or deep thoughts for you, but I did enjoy this and I hope that you'll be posting more.

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Thanks for taking the plunge of reading and replying! I know how hard it can be to discuss other people's poetry; it always seems so personal (and usually is!).

I'll definitely post more as I write it.