apple_pathways (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
apple_pathways) wrote2011-02-09 01:43 pm
apple_pathways) wrote2011-02-09 01:43 pm
Entry tags:
Ominous Portents
So, two of my most challenging students have left. Aurora, my little ADHD princess, had her last day at the end of January. She left in a torrent of suffocating hugs and too-loud goodbyes. I am most definitely going to miss her.
The other child I am less sad to see go. Let's call him...Ernesto. He's seven, and terrifically smart: just a genuinely bright and clever child. He's also incredibly spoiled. His mother, though the nicest lady on the planet (she brought me Godiva! Yum!), babies him terribly: getting his book for him, hovering over him while he works (on the days she stayed), wiping his mouth for him. She tries to goad him into being polite, and yet indulges his every complaint: there's a line between making children feel heard and allowing them to express themselves, and teaching them to be complainers.
And while I'm on the subject, here's a
DON'T LET YOUR CHILD FALL INTO THE "I'M BORED" TRAP!
It's one of the most common things said about clever children: "S/he finds it too easy; s/he's bored!" Even if it's true, letting children internalize that idea is dangerous. For one, it tells them that anything they find 'boring' is somehow is beneath them, and not worth their time. Whenever a child says to me, "It's BORING!" I always want to say, "So?" Not everything in life is thrilling, or even marginally interesting: that doesn't mean it doesn't have to be done. Think of all the 'boring' tasks you have to complete in a typical day: it's just a part of life! Managing boredom is a lesson well worth teaching young kids.
I've also seen clever children start using the "it's boring!" excuse as a crutch. I've seen kids learn to say "it's boring" in place of "it's difficult", "it's confusing", or "I don't understand." These kids know they're smart: they're proud of being smart! But somewhere along the line, they've learned that 'smart' is an intrinsic quality: not an ability that needs honing and effort. For them, any skill that doesn't come easily is an attack on their self-image. It's much easier to say, "I'm bored" rather than "I don't understand and I need help".
(Another tangent: anyone who ever deals with children ever should read Nurture Shock. It's a book that discusses current research in child behavior, and challenges a lot of conventional thinking. The first chapter talks about praise. Here's a link to a New York Magazine article on the topic. Basically, it talks about praising effort rather than ability or results, and shows how praising children for being "smart" can negatively effect their learning! It's completely changed the way I talk to my students, believe me.)
I see so many smart kids who are terrified of failure, and mortified to make a mistake: one of my first jobs to teach them is that making mistakes is good. Fixing a mistake, finding where it went wrong and correcting it, forges new connections in the brain and makes you smarter. If work is too easy for my students, I want to know: there's no use in having them practice skills they've already mastered. But very often, a student who claims that work is "too easy" or "boring" is still making basic mistakes with it; the urge to move ahead, move on, and do something new is so strong, they don't take the time to fully develop the new skills they're learning. (I had an incredibly bright girl, about 13, who understood complicated math concepts but was constantly making basic errors. Getting her to slow down and focus on the 'boring' work was the key to helping her bring up her grades.)
What do I actually say when students tell me something is boring? "Well, let's go ahead and finish it then, so we can work on something else!"
Anyway, with my two most challenging students gone, and two others suddenly transformed into model pupils, I should be relaxing and enjoying the relative ease of my job: instead, I'm wondering what type of kid will get thrown at me next!
The other child I am less sad to see go. Let's call him...Ernesto. He's seven, and terrifically smart: just a genuinely bright and clever child. He's also incredibly spoiled. His mother, though the nicest lady on the planet (she brought me Godiva! Yum!), babies him terribly: getting his book for him, hovering over him while he works (on the days she stayed), wiping his mouth for him. She tries to goad him into being polite, and yet indulges his every complaint: there's a line between making children feel heard and allowing them to express themselves, and teaching them to be complainers.
And while I'm on the subject, here's a
DON'T LET YOUR CHILD FALL INTO THE "I'M BORED" TRAP!
It's one of the most common things said about clever children: "S/he finds it too easy; s/he's bored!" Even if it's true, letting children internalize that idea is dangerous. For one, it tells them that anything they find 'boring' is somehow is beneath them, and not worth their time. Whenever a child says to me, "It's BORING!" I always want to say, "So?" Not everything in life is thrilling, or even marginally interesting: that doesn't mean it doesn't have to be done. Think of all the 'boring' tasks you have to complete in a typical day: it's just a part of life! Managing boredom is a lesson well worth teaching young kids.
I've also seen clever children start using the "it's boring!" excuse as a crutch. I've seen kids learn to say "it's boring" in place of "it's difficult", "it's confusing", or "I don't understand." These kids know they're smart: they're proud of being smart! But somewhere along the line, they've learned that 'smart' is an intrinsic quality: not an ability that needs honing and effort. For them, any skill that doesn't come easily is an attack on their self-image. It's much easier to say, "I'm bored" rather than "I don't understand and I need help".
(Another tangent: anyone who ever deals with children ever should read Nurture Shock. It's a book that discusses current research in child behavior, and challenges a lot of conventional thinking. The first chapter talks about praise. Here's a link to a New York Magazine article on the topic. Basically, it talks about praising effort rather than ability or results, and shows how praising children for being "smart" can negatively effect their learning! It's completely changed the way I talk to my students, believe me.)
I see so many smart kids who are terrified of failure, and mortified to make a mistake: one of my first jobs to teach them is that making mistakes is good. Fixing a mistake, finding where it went wrong and correcting it, forges new connections in the brain and makes you smarter. If work is too easy for my students, I want to know: there's no use in having them practice skills they've already mastered. But very often, a student who claims that work is "too easy" or "boring" is still making basic mistakes with it; the urge to move ahead, move on, and do something new is so strong, they don't take the time to fully develop the new skills they're learning. (I had an incredibly bright girl, about 13, who understood complicated math concepts but was constantly making basic errors. Getting her to slow down and focus on the 'boring' work was the key to helping her bring up her grades.)
What do I actually say when students tell me something is boring? "Well, let's go ahead and finish it then, so we can work on something else!"
Anyway, with my two most challenging students gone, and two others suddenly transformed into model pupils, I should be relaxing and enjoying the relative ease of my job: instead, I'm wondering what type of kid will get thrown at me next!
no subject
It's way too late for me (clearly, lol), but I'm really glad you're out there helping a bunch of kids not live my life ♥.
no subject
(Though it does still smart when I hear them say, "OMG, Miss Amy was wrong!" I wanna say, "YOU try multiplying double digit numbers in your head while half a dozen kids are constantly saying your name and a seven year old won't stop kicking your chair!"
But then that sends the wrong message. :P)
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no subject
Ugh, me too! I am still terrible at studying. It takes me days to force myself into it.
Glad to get all this support from grown-up clever children! Yes, it's all well and good to be smart: that doesn't mean kids don't need to be taught what to do with their smarts!
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I would describe my life so far but it would be repeating what ladybracknell and inkdancer have already written. I am STILL terrified of failing to the point that it paralyzes me at times. Even though I know that making mistakes is human and inevitable, I am unforgiving with myself on some things that I would accept without a problem in others.
And it absolutely pisses me off when people tell me that I'm smart and that they're sure I'm going to do great because I already have my own expectations I struggle to reach without the need of adding theirs on top.
I too wish I could have had a teacher like you :) you would have hated me, the kid who cries waaaaay too much.
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It's amazing how this idea that in order to be smart you have to be perfect gets drilled into everyone's head! (It was drilled into mine, too.) It's not the message adults are trying to send when they tell children "Oh, you're so smart!", but that seems to be how it gets translated by a kid brain.
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Oddly if ever I didn't understand something my mother and some of the teachers who really liked me would insist the problem was that I found it boring as a sort of face saving thing, for me and them. Only it also made it my fault and meant no one was properly explaining it to me. This was pre - GCSE mind (as all teachers after that were pretty much perfect). But I used to spend a lot of time crying and insisting I was trying and being told that if this was my best it wasn't good enough but it obviously wasn't my best, and the one time I got a C I seriously contemplated not going home (I was twelve and no, my household was not physically abusive).
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That's why I hate the "they find it boring" explanation. I don't care if they're bored or not: what I care about is whether they understand it or not.