apple_pathways (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
apple_pathways) wrote2012-08-05 12:12 am
apple_pathways) wrote2012-08-05 12:12 am
Weddings come, and weddings go.
I have mixed feelings about weddings. On the one hand, there's a dance floor, cake, and (usually) an open bar, which is always a recipe for a good time. On the other hand...
There are so many ways that life can go: not just with who and how you love, but also the role you make for love in your life and whether or not you choose to love at all. (Romantically, I mean.) Weddings really only celebrate one of those ways. Which, ya know, if that's the way that works for you, that's great. As for everybody else, well...
My friend's wedding today was beautiful. It was lovely, and moving, and fun. She invited me to read a poem during the ceremony ("i carry your heart with me", by e.e. cummings) and when she came to hug me and tell me that she teared up during my reading, I teared up as well. I love her, and I am grateful that I had this opportunity to share my love for her at a gathering of all the most important people in her life.
There were many heartfelt (and tearful) expressions of love today. The groom and his mother crying during their dance together. The maid of honor giving her toast. The friends and family who applauded wildly when the new couple was announced.
My friend and her husband are wonderful people, and very deserving of all this love. That, I do not question.
What I question is this: why a wedding? Of all the days of a person's life, why is this one deemed the most important? As if this is the day a child finally grows up. As if this is the day life truly begins. As if this day represents the greatest achievement life holds.
If that is true, if a wedding really is all of those things, then: what about those who will never marry? The couples who want to marry, but can't. (And even if they could, wouldn't be treated the same, because their relationship doesn't meet with society's ideal.) The couples who don't want to marry. (Who don't see the need for official sanction, who don't see their relationship lining up with what is expected of a marriage.) The people who choose not to spend their life with one person. The people who aren't interested in romantic relationships. The people who might want to find someone, but don't. What about those people for whom a traditional marriage is not an option, a desire, or a consideration?
There is no other day that is comparable to a wedding. Depending on your life and your culture, there may be other celebrations. I can think of none that equal the emotion, the importance, the outpouring of love, or the expense of a wedding. No other time when your family, your friends, and all the people who are most important to you gather to shower you with love and celebrate the life you have made and will make for yourself. (Certainly not on such a grand scale.)
I love to go to weddings. I am a sap and a sentimental person. I like to see the people I love happy and showered with affection.
I do not like that this experience is limited to only those who fit the proper criteria. I do not like society's reinforcement of a very limited definition of love. And I wish that everyone could have a day to feel so special and so loved as I hope my dear friend felt today on her wedding day.
There are so many ways that life can go: not just with who and how you love, but also the role you make for love in your life and whether or not you choose to love at all. (Romantically, I mean.) Weddings really only celebrate one of those ways. Which, ya know, if that's the way that works for you, that's great. As for everybody else, well...
My friend's wedding today was beautiful. It was lovely, and moving, and fun. She invited me to read a poem during the ceremony ("i carry your heart with me", by e.e. cummings) and when she came to hug me and tell me that she teared up during my reading, I teared up as well. I love her, and I am grateful that I had this opportunity to share my love for her at a gathering of all the most important people in her life.
There were many heartfelt (and tearful) expressions of love today. The groom and his mother crying during their dance together. The maid of honor giving her toast. The friends and family who applauded wildly when the new couple was announced.
My friend and her husband are wonderful people, and very deserving of all this love. That, I do not question.
What I question is this: why a wedding? Of all the days of a person's life, why is this one deemed the most important? As if this is the day a child finally grows up. As if this is the day life truly begins. As if this day represents the greatest achievement life holds.
If that is true, if a wedding really is all of those things, then: what about those who will never marry? The couples who want to marry, but can't. (And even if they could, wouldn't be treated the same, because their relationship doesn't meet with society's ideal.) The couples who don't want to marry. (Who don't see the need for official sanction, who don't see their relationship lining up with what is expected of a marriage.) The people who choose not to spend their life with one person. The people who aren't interested in romantic relationships. The people who might want to find someone, but don't. What about those people for whom a traditional marriage is not an option, a desire, or a consideration?
There is no other day that is comparable to a wedding. Depending on your life and your culture, there may be other celebrations. I can think of none that equal the emotion, the importance, the outpouring of love, or the expense of a wedding. No other time when your family, your friends, and all the people who are most important to you gather to shower you with love and celebrate the life you have made and will make for yourself. (Certainly not on such a grand scale.)
I love to go to weddings. I am a sap and a sentimental person. I like to see the people I love happy and showered with affection.
I do not like that this experience is limited to only those who fit the proper criteria. I do not like society's reinforcement of a very limited definition of love. And I wish that everyone could have a day to feel so special and so loved as I hope my dear friend felt today on her wedding day.