apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Default)
Two customers who deserve some sort of special prize for specialness:

My manager asked me, "Did you hear about the woman who left her wallet in someone else's car?"

"Someone else's cart?" I asked, reasonably.

"No, someone else's car--as in automobile."

So she's talking on her phone, she unloads her groceries into the car, climbs into the driver's seat, throws her wallet on the passenger seat, and then she realizes: this is not my car. (?!?!) So she unloads all her groceries, packs them into the correct car and drives off, but oh noes! She left her wallet on the passenger seat of the stranger's car.

"What did she want us to do about it?" I asked, again quite reasonably.

"Find it."

Ok, I know we bill ourselves as a full service grocery store, but: HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF GOD.

The next award goes to a woman tonight who lost her credit card, presumably in or around our store. She called and asked my manager if anyone had turned in a credit card: no, no one had. So he walked around and asked all of us if we'd found a credit card. {When he asked me, I replied (again, I think, quite reasonably): "I think that's something I would have mentioned before."} When that didn't turn up her card, she then asked him to go outside and search the parking lot.

PEOPLE. GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONES AND KEEP TRACK OF YOUR SHIT! I will tell you the same thing I tell the 10 year-olds who lose things during their tutoring session: "You and no one else are responsible for keeping track of your belongings." (And parents: stop giving $500 electronics to children who routinely forget to zip up their own pants.)

Really, that woman is almost as special as the lady who "lost" her cell phone someplace between my register and her car, and kept coming back to me to oh so subtly suggest that I had stolen it, until she found it somewhere. Nothing like being accused of thievery by absent-minded yuppies!
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Adorable Watson + Sherlock)
Once again, it's time to play: "What Would YOU Do?", the fantastic play-at-home webgame wherein I ask you, dear flist, to make my life choices for me.

No, I'm kidding! But I do want opinions.

I just discovered the "legacy story stats" feature at fanfiction.net, because I am WAY on top of things. (Seriously, I don't know who designed their user interface and whether or not they have a deep-seated hatred for humanity, but DAMN is it hard to navigate when you want to post a story!) This feature lets you see which communities and collections your works have been added to.

Two of my Sherlock stories have been added to a community called "Non-Slashers Unite!" which is described thusly: (copy and pasted from the comm's description)

For those of you who don't like to read slash stories then I have a place for you! NSU is your place to find all stories that a) aren't slash, b) don't have really strong/prolific language, c) any sort of explicit sex scenes—m/m, f/f, m/f—, and d) some pretty awesome Sherlock fics! If any of a-c start to appear then it will be taken off and if you awesome readers find something we missed please let us know! If you don't want your stories put into NSU then please let us know and we will remove them! Thanks!

I have thoughts:

a. I do not remember being solicited to "unite" with anyone, and am disturbed to discover I have been "united" with this community for about five months. (They added my stories back in February.)

b. I am rather offended and also discouraged to find my stories are considered to be devoid of "prolific language". Hey buddy: my stories contain hundreds, if not thousands of words! Some of them three syllables even...

c. Is this homophobia at work?

Now, before I ask for your opinions, I would mention:

I don't find the idea of excluding slash (and only slash) from an archive to be necessarily homophobic, in and of itself. For me, it has more to do with the reason slash is excluded and the attitude that accompanies the exclusion.

I can also sympathize with the comm's desire for PG fare without explicit sex or language. (Though Mrs. Hudson does call Moriarty a "son of a bitch" in one of my stories.)

As far as I can see, this comm has not made any explicit judgment of slash, LGBTQ persons or relationships--they've simply stated "this is an archive for all that is not-slash". HOWEVER, if they are operating under the pretense that slash is "gross" or "wrong" or are projecting any implications other than "it's just not my personal preference", I do not want any part of it.

With all that in mind, what do you think? THE POLL. )

Any issues you want to raise, feel free to bring them up in comments. I'm especially interested to hear what people make of the general tone of this comm.

I tend to write mostly gen in the Sherlock fandom, with the odd bit of Molly/Moriarty thrown in. My stories are generally appreciated, but then I do also get a few Weirdos who think that because I write Sherlock and John as platonic friends I'm somehow morally opposed to the idea of them fucking. I'm not: I'm just not particuarly interested in reading or writing about it. I don't consider myself a Non-Slasher, but rather someone who tends to prefer other types of fic ahead of most slash fics. (The balance is rapidly shifting as regards Eleven/Rory though. But that's a whole 'nother fandom...)

BLECH!

May. 19th, 2011 08:18 pm
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (WTF)
One of my students puked today, and guess who got to clean it up? I'll spare you all the disgusting details, but let me assure you: they are disgusting and they are very detailed.

I'll tell ya, it really puts things into perspective: any day you don't have to clean up vomit is a pretty damn good day. Conversely, today...

Anyway. I need to start writing something again. Since waiting for inspiration to strike seems to be a bust, I've decided it would be best to force myself to work on something. And why not let my flist arbitrarily decide what that something should be? So, here it is: ANOTHER POLL! Oh, how I spoil you all...

I call SHENANIGANS! )

[Poll #1743031]
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Grown-ups)
Tonight, while getting ice out of the freezer, I noticed a box of supermarket brand "Buttermilk Waffles" sat on top of a carton of supermarket brand "Rocky Road Ice Cream". Because they're both the same store brand, the packaging for both items looked similar, and for a moment I thought the waffles were actually Buttermilk Waffle Ice Cream, which I am now convinced is the best idea I have ever had about anything ever. In trying to think of how I could turn my idea into profit, I was reminded of one of my most favorite overheard conversations ever.

The conversation took place between a homeless man and the US Patent Office via a bus station pay phone. He was trying to patent the idea for "Minnesota Mint Soda". Not the recipe, per se: he'd tried to work something out with Coca-Cola, but for some strange reason, they weren't interested in working with him. No, rather he was trying to patent the name: Minnesota Mint Soda.

The person on the other end of the line must have been skeptical, but the man did his best to sell the idea. He started off by naming every food named after a U.S. state or city: "There's Texas Toast...Boston cream pie...Chicago-style pizza...baked Alaska...Boston baked beans...Buffalo wings..."

He also went on to list other things he'd named, to varying degrees of success: a band he used to perform in, and his ex-wife's dog. (It's of great sadness to me that I can't remember the name of either.)

But mostly he just said the name over and over again: Minnesota Mint Soda. Minnesota Mint Soda.

Minnesota Mint Soda.

I swear to Bob, the more you say it, the better it sounds! I don't care what it tastes like, I know I'd buy a bottle. And really, sometimes a great name is all you need!

So, if anyone has any contacts with any food scientists, you might want to clue them in so they can get on this. Just remember: there's a homeless man in the Ann Arbor/Ypsilanti area who's owed some royalties!
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Doctor (Hush!))
I've now watched each of the first two episodes of the new season twice. I have Questions and Concerns. I would like to know if other people share my questions and concerns, and if they have any clever speculation they'd like to share as to the answers. Let me know your thoughts! But please: NO SPOILERS FOR UPCOMING EPISODES!

Cut for those who haven't seen the new series yet. )

:D
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Schroedinger's Cat)
I had a minor twinge of agoraphobia in Dick's Sporting Goods today. I went there because I need a new combination lock, and I thought they might have a larger selection than the local hardware store. And I had time to kill. PANIC AT THE DICK'S )

Funny kid, irritating kid: a fine line. )

Going to Chicago this weekend! I'll be visiting my friend Kelly and her new family, my friend Cassie, her husband, and their 6 month old baby Ella, and Miss [livejournal.com profile] evilhippo, my lovely Queen of All Things Meta and Surreal. (We'll work on the title.) The plan is to do the museums and just catch up with friends, but if there's anything super fun or super special I should check out while I'm there, do let me know.

Now, four songs I've had on constant repeat lately: Musique! )
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Default)
Sorry to make two posts within about an hour of each other, but I Had to Share. :P)

One of my mother's favorite hobbies is forwarding emails. (And making ridiculous animated photo greeting cards. How does she always manage to select the very worst pictures of me for these? HOW?? She sent me a Valentine's card, photo of me--all nostrils. Seriously, the camera was going right up my nose! My mother: "Did you get the card I sent you?" Me: "Yep." Mother: "What did you think?" Me: "I think you need to get a hobby that doesn't involve emailing me pictures of myself.")

But I digress. (Should be the name of this journal...)

My uncle forwarded to my mother some very obviously Photoshopped pictures of ICEBERGS supposedly taken in LAKE MICHIGAN. *facepalm* I think it's time my mother and I had The Talk again. ("Mom, you can't get believe everything that gets forwarded through the internet...")

So, enjoy: Icebergs in Lake Michigan! )
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Merry Xmas from Kate!)
I thought it might be helpful to Google "gift ideas for men". I was wrong.

Here are some of the things various websites suggest I buy for my brother:

A flask shaped like a cell phone. A personalized gallon-sized jug of Tobasco sauce. A toaster that imprints the logo of a sports team onto the toast. "Wacky Bathroom Accessories". THE WORLD'S LARGEST GUMMY WORM. Refrigerator magnets. "The Funny Butt/Face Towel." A $5,000 CAMERA. A set of ninja throwing knives. A 25 gallon aquarium coffee table. POOP SOAP. 28 piece bathroom safety kit. "Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray". World's largest crossword puzzle. Personalized Jager Bomb shotglasses. "The wrist cubby". A pillow remote control. DESK-SIZED GUILLOTINE. A custom bobble-head doll of HIMSELF.


Honestly, I think the most insulting articles are the ones that suggest things like: "the Apple iPad!"

OH YEAH! I TOTALLY did not even think of getting him that!!! And I just happen to have this spare $500.00 I found lying in the street today...

*sigh* Socks are good, right?
apple_pathways: Whatever floats your boat! (Beauty and the Beast)
Background information: Due to my horrible sinus infection, I haven't been able to smell anything for more than a week. Since sense of taste is largely sense of smell, I can't really taste food at the moment.

INT. DINING ROOM - LUNCHTIME

Amy has just returned home from class and is looking for something to eat.

MOM
Why don't you eat the pumpkin soup I brought home from Aunt Marge's?

AMY
You know, I still can't smell or taste anything...it would be wasted on me. Why don't you eat it?

MOM
Oh...but I already told Marge that you enjoyed it.

AMY
??? Why did you tell her I'd enjoyed it when I haven't had a chance to eat it yet?

MOM
Well, everyone was talking about it on Facebook and saying how good it was, and I had to say something...

AMY
... ????


WHAT HAS FACEBOOK DONE TO MY MOTHER?

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